LGBTQIA+ grief
There are two primary forms of grieving: instrumental (formerly masculine) and intuitive (formerly feminine). These exist on a continuum with most people falling between the two sides of the binary rather than being entirely one or the other. Despite this, there is a pervasive belief that those assigned male at birth (AMAB) will grieve more instrumentally, displaying less emotion, while those assigned female at birth (AFAB) will grieve intuitively, letting their emotions out. Intuitive grievers are more likely to want to talk about their loss, sharing the experience with others, while instrumental grievers try to logic through their emotions. There is no set way to grieve, but society still has its set expectations. There are documented physical and mental health issues that occur as sequalae to a loss.
When cisgender, heterosexual couples experience the loss of a partner, they are more likely to have societal support for their loss. When people outside of the gender binary or sexual minorities experience grief, they still have the same pains but with less support. Sexual and gender minorities are more likely to experience complicated and disenfranchised grief due to a lack of recognition of a relationship which can lead others to believe their mourning is inappropriate or illegitimate. When people experience bereavement situations outside of societal expectations, they may experience empathy failure from others through non-acknowledgment of their loss.
The loss of someone’s partner is a universal experience that transcends sexual and gender identities, but members of the LGBTQIA+ community have additional barriers to the access of bereavement care and support. People may lean entirely on their chosen family. Biological family connections may be friable or nonexistent, and if the deceased’s family of origin handles arrangements, the person’s partner and other loved ones may be excluded entirely, blocking them from one of the most important components of grieving. For more information about this situation, please check out the education page on disenfranchised grief.
